Bohemian Crapsody: Eight Lying Sack of Sh*t Music Biopics

A still from Bohemian Rhapsody. Courtesy of 20th Century Fox.
A still from Bohemian Rhapsody. Courtesy of 20th Century Fox.

Alfred Hitchcock once said this of his manipulative brand of suspenseful movie making: “I enjoy playing the audience like a piano.”

Directors of music bios enjoy playing the audience like suckers, with a piano usually tinkling nearby. Thinking that audiences never fact-check, these directors lazily expect music-loving moviegoers to gulp down popcorn with a gallon of hogwash, fudging the historical facts surrounding their subjects because they think it works better for the film.

The recent Queen movie Bohemian Rhapsody, which was nominated for two Golden Globes today, may have started out telling the true Freddie Mercury story, but the heavy involvement of band members Brian May and Roger Taylor in the production meant, first of all, we didn’t get Sasha Baron Cohen as Mercury. The Borat star would’ve shown Freddie’s wild side and made a film about who he really was, the kind of guy who would throw lavish parties where little people with plates of cocaine on their heads milled about. But Queen the band (or rather, the "brand") were understandably out to protect their legacy and secure a PG rating, something that would seem an anathema to Mercury: He once said of a future film biography "My dears, the things I've done in my lifetime ... it'll be totally XXX-rated, I'll tell you!"

Consider that the Queen legacy earned £48 million in 2014 between the profits of their sell-out tour with Adam Lambert and their West End musical We Will Rock You. Bohemian Rhapsody has already outdistanced both of those post-Freddie ventures combined, so far earning $541 million globally as of this writing.

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Retrieved on 09 January 2019 from

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